Pride and prejudice

I ran across a tweet the other day that I wanted to share – because for as inclusive as the gay community likes to think that it is, there’s still plenty of hate and bigotry out there.

 

But it also begs the question to the couples out there; if a guy approaches one of your at Pride, would you automatically assume he’s trying to hook up? Obviously I know the reasonable answer to that question but… – isn’t the point of Pride celebrating as a community and getting to know one another?

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Racial Prejudices in Dating!

I’m not racist but, I won’t date *insert race*!

Hello fellow bloggers and friends

My name is Kareem Anthony and I will be guest blogging here for Sex, Love, and Labels from time to time. I will be touching base on all variety of subjects that the LGBT community has to overcome as a whole as well as some healthy lifestyle tips to live a happy life. I run my own personal blog called, The Miseducation of a Black Gay Guy, and you can check that out at Misedofbgg.weebly.com. You can also follow me on Twitter at @KareemDAnt.

So for today’s topic I wanted to talk about the subject of racism and racial prejudices. Specifically, racism in the LGBT community when it comes to dating.

Now if you’re one of those people that say that racism and racial prejudices do NOT exist in today’s society, then this article is just for you. And I hope you have some more understanding on how frustrating it can be to be a person of color in a very judgmental community. Not saying that gays are judgmental. But if I had a dollar for every time that I heard the, “You’re cute for a black guy!” backhanded backwards compliment, I’d be sipping Pinot Grigio with Beyonce and Jay-Z right now. So lets get into it.

First of all, I wanna start off by saying that deep down in my heart I believe that all people of color are 100% beautiful in their own way. No matter what skin they are in. But from my experience, most people don’t think like I do. Which is okay because the good thing is we can change the way we see the world we live in, just by simply talking about these issues just like this, and applying what we learn to real life. But as a gay black male, I have been told on numerous occasions that I wasn’t attractive because I was black, or even was attractive but they wouldn’t date me because I was black. To me, who used to have a lower self-esteem due to the already fragile mindset I was in, I used to take those comments to heart. You guys don’t realize how hurtful those types of comments can be to a person. Now I don’t get upset as much because I know I’m a good looking guy who has a lot to offer. I just ask the question, “Why?” The answer I usually get is, “It’s just my preference.”

Now I’m not saying that, “It’s just my preference,” is a cop out to your underlying racial prejudices, but if and when I hear someone say such a thing it makes me question the integrity of a persons character. Sure we all have preferences in who we want to date, and we are entitled to have those. But those preferences shouldn’t stop you from breaking out of your shell and trying new experiences with a different person from a different culture. By you stating that you don’t date a certain race and culture, you’re not only hurting that persons feelings, but you are also marginalizing a group of people who already have to deal with constant struggles in this world, JUST based on their race and their culture. Not only that, you have now cut your pool of available options down by a lot. And lets face it, we already have a small pool of options in some parts of this country, sometimes it’s even a puddle of options.

This is like me going to an all you can eat buffet restaurant. We all have our go to food that we know we love and enjoy. We go to this food because we know it will never let us down, even if it isn’t cooked to perfection. Mine happens to be Lasagna. But just because I love lasagna doesn’t mean I have to just stick with lasagna. After all, I am at a buffet with all sorts of foods. If I happen to see something or smell something that catches my eye, I’m gonna try it. Or maybe a friend might see something he/she may like and tell me to go over there and try it myself. I might give it a thought (depending on the friend lol). Life is too short to be stuck on one food when you can try foods from all types of cultures. If you don’t like how the chef prepared it, try it again at a different restaurant prepared by a different chef.

When we marginalize a group of people and have these preconceived notions that will shut people down just because their skin is different, we are only contributing to the division of this country. And there is enough division in this country as is at the moment. The gay community symbol is a rainbow for crying out loud and we embrace that. So why can’t we embrace other people of color and step out of our boxes? We owe it to ourselves, our ancestors, and our kids of the future.

Now if you are still one of those people who didn’t get the message that was portrayed in this blog post, then you’re probably one of those people on Grindr, Jack’d, Hornet, etc, that turn down guys for the exact reasons I just stated. But that’s none of my business though, and I will pray that you get some common sense. *Sips tea*

That’s all I have for now. I would love to hear any type of feed back from you on this article. You can email me at Misedofbgb@gmail.com or simply leave a comment here on this post. I would love to read your comments and questions. I will be doing another blog post on this subject in the near future.

Until next time

Love. Peace. Gratitude.

-Kareem

You’re Cute… For a Black Guy

One of the topics we hope to explore in this blog is the effect that race has on dating, relationships, and love in the gay community. Hopefully one day we’ll have a post about guys who say things like “white/asian preferred” or similar comments.  But on that vein…

Filmmaker Cameron Johnson assembled a short documentary titled “You’re Cute for a Black Guy” to highlight the dating experiences of gay men of color.  Their responses reveal the realities of men attempting to find love, sex, and romance in a world where the majorities of bodies are white.  “I made this piece because I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t crazy,” said Johnson. “I couldn’t be the only gay black man who white dates have said insane things to, so I ventured to find others who shared my experiences. What I discovered is that my story isn’t uncommon, it’s just untold… I hope that my work will help to broaden the discussions of what it looks like to be a gay man in 2015, and give people insight into worlds they haven’t understood. Also, seriously never say any of these things to black men again.”