Caption this

I somehow only came across this tweet today but figured this would be a good re-introduction for this blog.

My caption was “more diversity in their swim suits than their skin tones” but then again… I’m white and admittedly most of my gay friends are white, so I probably don’t have a pot to piss in.

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Pride and prejudice

I ran across a tweet the other day that I wanted to share – because for as inclusive as the gay community likes to think that it is, there’s still plenty of hate and bigotry out there.

 

But it also begs the question to the couples out there; if a guy approaches one of your at Pride, would you automatically assume he’s trying to hook up? Obviously I know the reasonable answer to that question but… – isn’t the point of Pride celebrating as a community and getting to know one another?

Love Letters to the LGBTQ Community

If you haven’t read this yet – you absolutely should.

As part of Billboard’s 30 Days of Pride celebration this June, numerous pop culture luminaries were asked to write ‘love letters’ to the LGBTQ community. Read them below and share your love letter to the community using #30DaysPride this Gay Pride Month.

http://features.billboard.com/gay-pride-month-2017-love-letters-to-the-lgbtq-community/

Being Ugly, Chapter 3: Going to my happy place

So, this post is going to be really short… but… I am really excited that tomorrow I’m heading to Chicago for IML weekend! IML, for those of you who don’t know, is short for International Mister Leather, and the basic gist of it is that every Memorial Day weekend, a couple thousand people, the vast majority of whom are MSM, gather at a hotel in Chicago for good times.

Now, usually, I am not a fan of crowds, but the leather community that I’ve experienced at MAL (Mid-Atlantic Leather weekend, in January in DC, same idea) and IML is by far the most accepting and welcoming community that I’ve encountered. There are people of all shapes and sizes and ages, all spending time with each other (various interpretations of “spending time with” apply here) and having fun. Both IML and MAL are welcoming to beginners and experienced kink folk alike.

I say that I’m going to my “happy place” because I’m going to get to have a good time for a weekend without being stuck in my head about what I look like, or what other people think of me. And that is going to be awesome.

Add to that that I actually have friends in Chicago, and I am so excited I can barely hold it together! Time for some good old-fashioned fun and friendship! I’ll write another post when I get back!

The Hook-up App guys…

Ran across an interesting article on Huffington Post titled “Notes From The Hook-Up Apps: 9 Guys Who Take All the Fun Out of Them.”

After all – the apps themselves aren’t necessarily the problem.  We’ve all been on them or some internet incarnation of them at some point in our lives.  The problem is certain people who use them… and ruin them for the rest of us.

As contributor Jeremy Helligar points out, it’s not the guys who ask the cliche questions like “Looking?” but the following nine guys that are the true problem

1. The Validation Seeker: He’s the app equivalent of the bar queen who brags about how many boys he kissed last night. Quantity over quality… or anything else. He leaves the distinct impression that he approaches guys/swipes right just to see how many of them will respond/swipe right, too. He’ll rarely actually talk to any of them. He’s like a social media addict who obsessively courts Facebook “likes” and Twitter/Instagram “followers” and uses them to measure his/her personal worth. The more, the merrier he might be, but everyone involved ends up sleeping alone.

2. Mean Boy: He’s the one most likely to list restrictions (No oldies, no fatties, no fems, no blacks, no whites, no Asians…), anything to make himself feel superior to everyone he’s rejecting. Even if you make it past his velvet rope, he’ll find ways to make you feel inferior, too.

About a year and a half ago, a work colleague introduced me to a guy who snubbed me to my face while gushing about me behind my back. He went on to have a one-and-a-half-night stand with a very good friend of mine, to whom he revealed his (and Mean Boy’s) dating mantra: “Treat ’em mean, keep ‘em keen.” Yep, he actually said that, and he eventually put those words into action with my poor pal.

Alas, I don’t play that dating game. “The more you ignore me, the closer I get,” Morrissey sang on his biggest U.S. solo hit. Great song, but I can’t relate. Neither pining nor stalking has ever been the best use of my time.

3. The “Polite” Responder: For some reason, some guys insist on being rejected outright. No response doesn’t send a clear enough message, so they follow up with question marks until you block them. Defeated but still defiant, they add a familiar request to their profiles: “If you’re not interested, just block or say so. It’s only courteous.”

Oh, the beasts these Mr. Manners have spawned. Personally, if a guy ignores me, unlike Morrissey in the aforementioned hit, I move on to one who doesn’t. But not so fast. Just because he responds, doesn’t mean he’s interested. A lot of them are just being “polite,” offering curt, blase responses to your follow-ups without making any discernible attempt to keep the conversation going.

I once called out someone on it and asked him why he responded if he wasn’t interested. He said it wasn’t me; it was his exhaustion from work. It apparently depleted his energy and ability to offer an online tone that couldn’t be interpreted as gruff and slightly annoyed. So why was he on Grindr and not in bed at 11pm then? I’d rather be ignored.

4. The Compulsive Chater: On the plus side, this one might be blessed with the gift of gab. It’s always nice to bypass sexual positions and penis size, but if smallish talk isn’t going to lead anywhere, shouldn’t you at least be near an open bar? Even though he’s probably the one who approached you and may actually live only blocks away, it’s near impossible to score a date or even a hook-up, because he’s all talk, no meet.

5. Bored/Boring Guy: Hey… How r u… What’s doin… Where you at… If communicating in three words or less is your thing, here comes your man. He’s not really looking for anything. He’s just here because he’s got a phone and functioning WiFi, and there’s nothing better to do. Good times, right?

6. The Pic Collector: Like I recently told one suitor requesting XXX pics, if you’re dying to see a big black c—k, Google “big black c—k.”

7. Mr. Catch Me If You Can: For me, this guy is the most frustratingly unattainable because he’s so good on paper. He’s typically handsome, quick to respond (and not in that detached “The ‘Polite’ Responder” way), engaging, and he’s often online, which would seem to indicate availability.

Don’t get it twisted, though. He may be seemingly free and presumably “looking,” but he’s not available. He’s never available. So busy, he keeps reminding you, though he’s rarely too busy to be on the grid. Grindr may very well be the only place in the world where someone who’s working part-time at a backpackers hostel while looking for a full-time job has a more jam-packed schedule than someone who runs a Fortune 500 company.

8. The Ghosting Gay: He’s the one who actually meets up with you, maybe even goes on a date with you. He might even call out your name during sex. He acts like he’d love to see you again and might even tell you to stay in touch, breaking the unspoken “NSA” rule. But after his clothes are back on, he disappears from your life as abruptly as he entered it, possibly blocking you once he’s safely out of sight.

On the rare occasion that you do hear from him again, he’s probably only seeing if you’ll respond (see “The Validation Seeker” above) before the ghosting begins. And if you reach out to him first, he might respond once, maybe even twice (see “The ‘Polite’ Responder” above), before the ghosting begins.

You may see him weeks, months, a year later. If he doesn’t pretend he’s never met you, he might actually go home with you, beginning the ghosting cycle all over again. An accidental hook-up is as good as it’ll get after the first one. He’ll never be a dependable f—k buddy, much less a friend with benefits, because that would require him to stay in touch, and he’s just not that into you.

9. “Wired” Guy: While he’s typically a nocturnal animal, this one lurks during daylight, too, particularly if you live in a tourist-heavy city. He’s drunk on life, love, whatever controlled substance he can get his sweaty, shaky hands on. He’s pretty easy to spot because he mangles simple words and sentences in ways Autocorrect/Predictive text could never dream of, and his profile is typically suspiciously bare.

The good news is that if you’re too busy sleeping or living your offline life to catch your window of opportunity, you’ll probably never hear from him again.

Being Ugly: Chapter 2 – Taking Up Space

Hi, me again. So, this will be fairly short, as its mainly a reaction to the fact that I’ve been in a number of crowds of late and noticed something that fascinated me:

I’m pretty sure that many thin/good-looking people are not aware of the space they take up like fat or ugly people are.

From a VERY young age, I’ve always been cognizant of my volume – the amount of air I displace, and how that affects things around me. My instinct has become to always be against a more solid, immovable object – a wall, a column, a stately manor home, what have you – so that my volume and its will meld together and I’ll seem to take up less space. This usually manifests itself in me hanging around the perimeter of crowds, or, if in conversation, trying to be the one furthest from whatever walkway or path may be near.

I bring this up because OH MY GOODNESS I don’t think many [skinny] people have any idea that they, too, take up space. While attending a networking function last week, a group of very good-looking, thin people clumped right in the main passage between the main space and the bar, which, due to the space’s architecture, was the narrowest choke point in the room.

I was utterly aghast when I saw this… Why on earth would they choose to be located right there?! It actually made me nervous for them.

But then it dawned on me that they may not have ever been conscious of their volume – they were used to slinking through crowds without begging apologies at every brush-past, immune to the disgusted looks that an “I’m sorry, excuse me, I’m sorry…” and a shoulder-tap brings; to walking down narrow sidewalks without pressing themselves against a building every time someone else came the other way.

What must that be like?

What must that be like, to see a friend across a crowded room and go to them without hesitation, not hope they’ll come to you because you’d have to ask like 30 people to squeeze by…

What must that be like, to avoid angry looks while waiting for an airplane, everyone hoping that you aren’t seated next to them…

What must that be like, to walk across a room, and not around its perimeter…

What must that be like?

[Apologies, this was less “fairly short” than I had intended… I promise, next time, I’ll stick to 150 words or less.]