a case of the first dates

A friend posted the following on Facebook of first date lines.  I’m hoping he hasn’t actually used all of these.  The question is… have you?

1) “I hope this isn’t too personal, but WHY are you wearing a wedding ring?”

2) “I like your ankle bracelet. Is it… monitoring you now?”

3) “Do you know that guy screaming your name & charging the table with a giant knife?”

4) “What do you mean those flowers are for your date… later tonight?”

5) “You’re the 10th guy I’ve dated who’s ring tone is the Grindr notification sound.”

6) “I’m immune to ruffied-drinks. I’m flattered you went the extra mile though.”

7) “Weirdest thing: I keep getting Amber Alerts on my phone that have your exact license plate number. What are the odds?”

8) “Will your mom be joining us on every date? Not that you aren’t wonderful company, of course, Mrs. Duggar.”

9) “A Watch Tower pamphlet for me? You’re so thoughtful.”

10) “I like your shirt. The bloodstains really bring out your eyes.”

11) “No. ‘Julien’. Not, ‘Amanda,’ – ‘JULIEN’. Oh… I’m at the wrong table.”

12) “When you say, ‘I was born with a vagina,’… is that a euphemism…?”

13) “Yes, I voted for you on ‘American Idol’.”

14) “Oh… you’re CURRENTLY married.”

15) “I love water sports! Oh. You mean WAAAATER SPORTS. Yeah, no.”

16) “No, I don’t believe in déjà vu, but I do vomit if I drink too much, which is tangentially-related to experiencing something twice.”

17) “I just remembered why you look so familiar. You fucked my ex-boyfriend. While we were still dating.”

18) “My 5-year plan? To give AIDS BACK to the monkeys.”

19) “Thank you for an amazing evening, and by ‘thank you for an amazing evening,’ I mean, ‘don’t ever call me again, you crazy fucking lunatic’.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s