I’m sorry I’m not on your timeline

… and I don’t mean Facebook or Twitter.

Listen, this blog isn’t meant to only be about the labeling practice within the gay community – although I’m hoping we can cover topics like bears and otters and cubs and… you get the point.  I also want this blog to be about more than that – we should feel free to cover topics like love, sex, and relationships.  So here goes.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two and a half years now.  We don’t live together, although to be fair part of the reason we don’t live together has to do with timing of life events, but that’s a whole other story. We aren’t engaged.  We don’t have plans to get engaged anytime soon (unless you all know something I don’t know?!).  And we are completely comfortable with our situation.

The only problem is that everyone else doesn’t seem to be.  Several people have asked me recently what the hold up is in taking the next step forward. The questions probably wouldn’t have caught my attention if they had come from our straight friends… but recently a few gay couples have asked the same question. I was definitely caught by surprise when a close friend commented “that’s a long engagement” after I mentioned an engaged gay couple, who happen to be close friends of mine, were planning a wedding two years in advance. And it got me to thinking…

Have we gotten to the point where growing up in a heteronormative society means that we are bound to adhere to the same timeline for dating, engagement, and marriage? It seems like most of the straight couples I know are engaged for 6 months to a year before they are married.  And I know we poke fun at lesbians for renting the UHaul on the second date as being rather hasty (and yes, I know it’s wrong to perpetuate that stereotype), but why would gay couples be in such a hurry to have other gay couples further their commitment in a defined period of time?  In a time where marriage equality seems almost certain, why the need for others to rush to city hall? Why cant we as a community reject the idea that relationships are supposed to move from dating to cohabitating to engaged to married in measured blocks of time?  And more importantly, why cant we as a community be comfortable creating our own timelines?

I realize I’m asking more questions than I’m going to answer, but I’m curious what other people think.

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4 thoughts on “I’m sorry I’m not on your timeline

  1. Be true to yourselves. No one else’s time line is right for you. Part of the change is that now we all (for the most part) can get married so we wind up getting subjected to all the timelines that hetero couples have been subjected to forever. Be happy with what you have and don’t allow others to determine what works for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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